Clueless 53-year-old husband gifts his wife a vacuum for her 50th birthday: 'Not even a lunch or dinner out. We’ve been married 17 years. When he turned 50, I took him to Hawaii.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 18, 2025 8:00 AM EST

It's one thing if she had asked for it, but she clearly didn't.

Everyone feels differently about gift-giving, and people often have varying opinions about it depending on the occasion and who is giving the gift. I'm sure a dad wouldn't feel offended if his 11-year-old got him a generic "#1 Dad" mug for Christmas that she picked out herself, even if her mom could've swayed her to get something more to his liking. However, if his wife gave him that gift for their 20th wedding anniversary, he wouldn't be out of line for feeling like she could've done better.

It's a good rule of thumb not to get a housewife cleaning supplies for her birthday or Christmas. It's already difficult enough feeling like the only value you bring to your family is cooking or cleaning, but receiving cooking and cleaning supplies as a gift nearly confirms that that's all they see you as.

Being a bad gift-giver does not make you a bad friend, partner, or family member. However, failing to put effort into gift-giving for significant milestone events, such as an important wedding anniversary or a milestone birthday, does not reflect positively upon you.

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  • A yellow and black vacuum sitting on top of a rug
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The husband in this story is either hostile or clueless, and I'm not sure which is worse. He gifted his wife a vacuum cleaner for her 50th birthday, even though she had given him a trip to Hawaii for his 50th birthday a couple of years before! I get that vacuums are expensive, but they are not suited for this occasion.

  • My husband got me a vacuum for my 50th

    Title says it all. Turned 50 yesterday. Husband (53M) woke me up, told me he had a surprise for me downstairs. I go downstairs and see a vacuum, not even wrapped mind you. He said he thought I'd like a new one since the current one doesn't have the ability to turn off the brush roller when using on hard floors. I never asked for a new one. It works fine.
    via u/Plastic_Cat9560
  • That was my birthday. Not even a lunch or dinner out. He mentioned a month ago about doing something special and going on a trip. I asked about that and he said he figured I'd tell him when and where I wanted to go. He never asked where but did mention several times over the past month he had a surprise for me. Apparently it was a f*cking vacuum. We've been married 17 years.
    via u/Plastic_Cat9560
  • A bride and groom walking down the aisle
    via Josh Applegate

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for hoping or expecting that maybe he could have planned and surprised me with something? Anything? Something more than an Amazon next day delivery vacuum? When he turned 50 I took him to Hawaii. Maybe I'm just being hypersensitive. Turning 50 has been a hard number for me. Parents and grandparents all passed in that decade.
    via u/Plastic_Cat9560
  • Elderly couple smiling together on a couch
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • BeDeviled Devotchka I'm so sorry. Do you need bail money?
    via u/BeDeviledDevotchka
  • juzme99 I told my kids when they were young and my partner, never to buy me anything for my birthday or mother's day that has anything to do with cooking or cleaning.
    via u/juzme99
  • k4bz36 Take yourself to Hawaii, and leave the vacuum in the living room.
    via u/k4bz36
  • OnlyOn Tuesdays289 Leave him in the living room with the vacuum when you go to Hawaii. Maybe take the vacuum with you to Hawaii and just leave your husband behind.
    via u/OnlyOnTuesdays289
  • Performance_Lanky Yes, and take pictures of you and the vacuum getting cocktails and lying on sun-loungers etc.
    via u/Performance_Lanky
  • Brilliant Log_7354 Re-gift it back to him on the next occasion that calls for gifts.
    via u/Brilliant_Log_7354
  • SchoolNarrow7518 Oh, absolutely. You know what they say: "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." Next birthday, just casually drop a set of new lawnmower blades in his lap.
    via u/SchoolNarrow7518
  • Altruistic_Bee_8201 You definitely need to sit him down and have an honest conversation about this. Point out the Hawaii trip for his bday and also tell him how you are struggling with being 50 and you thought he was planning something really special, on his own and that you feel really let down by the total lack of empath or consideration he put into your present. If he blanks you or goes defensive, I
    via u/Altruistic_Bee_8201
  • suggest you buy him a household appliance for his next day- a washing machine, perhaps and I would also be tempted to suggest that as he considers the vacuum so special, he can have the honor of using it to clean the house from this point forward. DO NOT let this slide as it will stay there and the resentment of it will grow like a cancer!
    via u/Altruistic_Bee_8201
  • SarcasticSuccubus This is absolutely it. Now is the time for clear communication. Explain to him that it's not just about wanting a trip. It's specifically about him putting in the time and effort to plan something meaningful for you. A lot of people don't understand that aspect, and he very clearly is one of them since he was waiting for you to do the work of planning your own birthday.
    via u/SarcasticSuccubus
  • NTA because this is not just about a low effort gift. This is about how he sees you, and the fact that it takes two to continuously invest in the marriage to keep it healthy. This was his time to put in that work, and he phoned it in instead.
    via u/SarcasticSuccubus
  • Stunning-Joke-3466 This is such good avdice. It's easy to jump to "let me plan my revenge gift" but but to communicate and get past it and hopefully have him understand why he screwed up and allow him a chance to make it right. Much easier to just "own" him but is that conducive to the relationship?
    via u/Stunning-Joke-3466
  • DisastrousAd6939 I mean they have been married 17 years tho if he hasn't already figured it out then the reverse card is probably the best way the wake him the fuck up
    via u/DisastrousAd6939
  • Phoenix_GU I would argue if they've been married 17 years, surely she expected this. If he's gotten nice gifts for previous birthdays... and possibly at 40, that's a different story.
    via u/Phoenix_GU
  • Skittle146 This is coming from someone who asked for a vacuum for Christmas and was thrilled to get one, you never gift a vacuum unless the person has made comments about wanting a new one. And honestly, even if you had wanted a vacuum, he didn't do anything else personal
    via u/Skittle146
  • No-Wasabi-6024 That part. I'm asking for household stuff lol. However if it's unprovoked, it screams "I think cleaning is your responsibility"
    via u/No-Wasabi-6024
  • sluttytarot Cleaning is your primary personality trait is what it says to me. Like when he thinks of his wife that's what he thinks of all the cleaning she does. Instead of like anything else about her
    via u/sluttytarot
  • Content_Appearance13 And it is also not a gift for the person, but a gift for the household. It screams: Your needs don't matter as much as our need to have a clean house
    via u/Content_Appearance13
  • slim_schmone I once asked my husband if he could chime in to buy a new food processor as my birthday gift. He said, "We can buy the new food processor. But I'm absolutely not going to buy you something household related for your birthday. Pick something YOU WANT, not something WE NEED." And i fell in love all over again.
    via u/slim_schmone

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gifts presents present birthday wife gift reddit story vacuum cleaner husband Hawaii trip birthday present reddit thread Reddit milestone vacuum
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